This gin is mighty tasty.

#HATH NO ONE IN THIS BLOODLINE BORE WITNESS TO A CHICKEN OH...

Thu, 31 May 2012 19:04:00 -0700

#HATH NO ONE IN THIS BLOODLINE BORE WITNESS TO A CHICKEN

OH YEA, THE GUY IN THE SIX THOUSAND GOLD DRAGONS ARMOR IS GONNA HOLD THE DOOR FOR A SQUIRE, COME ON!

In Memoriam: Adam Yauch

Fri, 04 May 2012 15:54:43 -0700

As you all know by now, surely, Adam Yauch a.k.a. MCA of the Beastie Boys passed away earlier today at 47. He had been battling throat cancer the last couple years.

And, you all surely know that I love the Beastie Boys. I love them because they thumbed their nose at 80s rock, at preconceived notions of Jewish boys from New York making hip hop records, at everything and everyone they considered to be “The Man.” I love them ironically, unironically, I wear Beastie Boys shirts, I listen to their music way too loud and rap along when I’m driving alone.

MCA had the gruffest voice in the group, and was probably the best wordsmith. There’s no shortage of great MCA lines, but then again, there’s no shortage of great Beastie Boy lines.

The first Beastie Boys song I distinctly remember hearing was “Girls.” I remember it because my mom found it misogynistic and horrible, and changed the radio channel as soon as it got to “to do the laundry, and in the bedroom.” The song was witty, catchy, and above all told a heck of a story. This was the Beastie Boys. Funky Monkey was a stupid song about getting shit-hammered on horrible-tasting liquor, but they played it at our middle school dances because it made people just go NUTS.

I still go nuts when I hear the Beastie Boys. Judging by the amount of words and the heartfelt sentiments that have been dedicated to MCA today, lots of other people do too. RIP Adam Yauch. You’ll be greatly missed.

Hot Sports Takes

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 12:00:06 -0700

Hey gang, it’s been quiet. I know my blog has “sports” in the title, but it seems like it’s been mostly a food and drink blog, with funny videos posted every once in a while. I’m totally OK with that, and I don’t have any particular “direction” I want to take this thing. It’s just a stupid tumblr, after all. But I have some thoughts on SPROTS and I will thusly share them with you.

Baseball season is starting! Giants predictions: Freddy Sanchez is forced to retire because of his shoulder injury…MadBum is a top 3 vote-getter for the Cy Young…Buster Posey? Still ain’t havin’ it.
March Madness, while indubitably exciting, is very dumb, and I’m a dumb person for filling out a bracket every year. HOWEVER, somehow Stephen is worse than me at filling out brackets, and has been for the past couple years. Stephen’s being bad at bracketeering (thank you for the awful words you make up, ESPN assholes) equals free beer for me, so I will continue to make brackets even when we both regress back to the mean and I start owing him beers. Oh well.
That said, Anthony Davis’ unibrow is UNSTOPPABLE. He’s like Sam the Eagle but even more intimidating. UK for the championship, which will be surely be vacated due to recruiting violations in, oh, five years when Calipari leaves for the NBA.
Tanking is bad. It’s a huge flaw in sports, especially basketball, that teams would be rewarded simply for lacking not just talent but, often, effort. That said, I hope the Warriors lose every game for the rest of season and keep their first round pick. I can’t wait for them to pick another shoot-first no-defense point guard, and probably pick them right before a future All-Star wing/big man. Warriors basketball! Still terrible!
Slowly starting to get excited for the Euros this summer. Spain will surely be the favorite, but as long as Holland’s studs (RvP, Sneijder, Robben) can stay healthy, they’ll be a hell of a dangerous team. It feels good to not have to always root for the USMNT and have an real soccer team that I can call my own.
Hey, at least this year we probably won’t have to worry about the Sharks getting knocked out in the conference finals again…*bangs head on desk repeatedly*

If you dig sports, at all, I can’t recommend the SBNation blog network enough, specifically mccoveychronicles.com, everydayshouldbesaturday.com, the SBNation YouTube channel, and anything written by Jon Bois, Bomani Jones, Tom Ziller, Spencer Hall and the countless other great writers featured there. Also, check out The Classical (with its own great stable of writers) for essays and long reads about some less mainstream sports topics.

Thanks for reading all this dumb sports stuff. Here’s a GIF of Christiano Ronaldo amazed by his teammate’s penis.

Photo

Sat, 25 Feb 2012 15:55:53 -0800

It’s a little late in the day, but not too late to wish...

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:53:35 -0800

It’s a little late in the day, but not too late to wish you all a Happy President’s Day!

If you don’t watch this entire video, you are not my...

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 22:06:27 -0800

If you don’t watch this entire video, you are not my friend. AM I GETTING THROUGH TO YOU, ALVA!?!?!

Such a talent. Cocaine’s a hell of a...

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 18:31:41 -0800

Such a talent. Cocaine’s a hell of a drug.

jakefogelnest:

Whitney Houston’s isolated vocal track on “How Will I Know.”

Blog so hard motherfuckers want to fine me.

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 13:58:03 -0800

Blog so hard motherfuckers want to fine me.

A few quick thoughts.

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 22:30:48 -0800

1. #Linsanity.

2. I’m starting to come around…As of right now, Bourbon > Scotch. And rye whiskey is creeping damn close to the top.

3. The way Nabokov describes young girls—I can’t help but think that he is either a HUGE pervert, or one of the most brilliant writers of the 20th century. Probably both.

4. Next time I grill, I’m using a rub of nothing but brown sugar, ground coffee, and cinnamon. Maybe even a little cocoa powder. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans legitimately melted my...

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 22:30:20 -0800

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans legitimately melted my brain. I was basically non-functional for 24 hours after watching this. This scene was AMAZING.

wrap around curl.: I FOUND ICE CUBES 'GOOD DAY'

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 12:57:58 -0800

wrap around curl.: I FOUND ICE CUBES 'GOOD DAY':

murkavenue:

CLUE 1:
“went to short dogs house,
they was watching Yo MTV
RAPS”
Yo MTV RAPS first aired:
Aug 6th 1988
CLUE 2:
Ice Cubes single “today was a good day” released on:
Feb 23 1993
CLUE 3:
”The Lakers beat the Super
Sonics”
Dates between Yo MTV Raps air date AUGUST 6…

Never has more important research been done. This is the best thing I’ve seen in a long time.

Ohhhh man I’m so excited for Archer to start back up....

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 12:41:11 -0800

Ohhhh man I’m so excited for Archer to start back up. DANGER ZOOOOONE!

fuckyeaharchergifs:

PAM: Do you people even GIVE A SHIT?! Cheryl’s dumb ass gets me kidnapped and the shit kicked out of me all day and nobody even tried to rescue me?!

RAY: Archer’s fault
ARCHER: *shut up*

PAM: YOU shut up, mister “Pam’s not worth it”!

Then you stupid a-holes shoot a gillion stupid a-hole bullets at me..

MALORY: Not me! I wasn’t shooting!

PAM: Aaaand YOU! The WORST of the bunch!

MALORY: Me?! Why me?

PAM: Five thousands measly dollars?

MALORY: You know maybe I low-balled him at first but I-I I had some wiggle room!

PAM: Yeah? Well let’s see how much you wiggle when I’m whippin five thousand bucks worth of your ass!

MALORY: WHAT?!

LANA: Hey, whoa! Pam!

ARCHER: Lana… Let her have this one.

MALORY: Sterling! Somebody! Anybody?

PAM: Yeah anybody…..wanna piece of this?

…….

…..

..

LANA: Nooooope.

theclearlydope: I just saw Courage Wolf get tased and Business...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 12:38:48 -0800

theclearlydope:

I just saw Courage Wolf get tased and Business Cat in cuffs. We’re all going down.

nedhepburn:

THE INTERNET IT IS UNDER ATTACK.

Will's Black Cascadian Cream Stout

Sun, 08 Jan 2012 17:44:59 -0800

Last night I had a conversation with my good friend Will about beer. Now, half of our conversations are about alcohol, so that in itself is hardly newsworthy. But Will (who happens to have brewed this beer himself) noted that while he loves almost all types of beers, some of the new styles are getting a little silly…It’s now black everything—IPAs, Lagers, etc—or different made up styles, like a Cascadian or an Imperial (which really doesn’t mean anything, but is often bourbon barrel aged). Sam Adams used to make a very good simple Cream Stout in their winter Brewer’s packs, but replaced it recently with a White Ale. This beer is Will’s attempt at replicating the Cream Stout.

To be honest, this beer was hard to review. As a home-brewed, very small batch beer it is a bit milder than most store-bought beers. Whereas many stouts are very rich and heavy with bold flavors (COFFEE! MOLASSES! BLACKBERRIES!), this one is a bit thin and much more subtle. The nose is toasty but not too sweet, and there is just the slightest hint of smokiness.

Funnily enough, if I had to describe this beer I would initially call it a black ale of some sort. It doesn’t have nearly the gravity of a store-bought stout, instead having the mouthfeel of something more Newcastle-y. Some stouts like the Abyss really coat your mouth and you continue to taste it for minutes afterwards. This one has a much milder feel but does leave a very nice creamy aftertaste.

One thing that sets stouts (especially milk or cream stouts) apart from other ales or porters is that it does have a bit of a sour bite to it. With the Will, it’s very subtle, and comes mostly as the aftertaste. For this type of beer, it really works perfectly. The initial taste is very mild (like i said, it’s almost similar to a Newcastle), then you get a little smokiness and nuttiness to it. It’s still a little thin, but after you swallow is really when you get that stout taste. The depth of flavors is not terribly complex, but it has a great progression as you drink it.

This beer was immensely enjoyable, and quite a nice departure from the types of beers I normally review. I don’t know what the ABV was, but it was certainly less than the >8 or 9 percent that I usually try. I could probably drink a half dozen of these and enjoy every one more than the last. Nostrovia.

Overall grade: B+ (would probably be an A- if it was just a little bit heavier)

I guess Fernando Torres has a pretty sweet ass. That’s a...

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 13:51:56 -0800

I guess Fernando Torres has a pretty sweet ass. That’s a full five-fingered squeeze right there.

The whole verse about going to the corner store would make for...

Wed, 14 Dec 2011 11:06:46 -0800

The whole verse about going to the corner store would make for much better anti-drug PSAs…Buying shit when you know people know you’re high is THE WORST.

On Trying New Things

Mon, 12 Dec 2011 20:40:28 -0800

I eat a lot of food. While I can be picky about some things, I like to think I’m fairly open-minded about different cultures’ offerings, and the different ingredients used. For example, I had goat enchiladas for the first time the other day. They were delicious.

The one thing I had always done, though, is customize my orders. Order a burrito? No beans, no sour cream. I didn’t (or don’t, rather) hate either of those ingredients, but I didn’t actively like them. And I’d gotten so used to ordering things without them that, while not averse to them, I was just used to not having them. Over the last couple years, though, I’ve thrown some of that caution to the wind.

There’s nothing adventurous about eating something the way it’s meant to be prepared. In fact, I’ve always found it strange when people order a Subway sandwich, for example, with everything on it. It just seems so undiscerning.

However, there is something a little exciting about getting food the way the cook thinks it should be made. In my On Sandwiches post a little while back, I talked about a Cubano sandwich from up in Napa. Normally, I actively avoid pickles, but ordered the sandwich 100% as-is, pickles included. That sandwich was one of the best things I’ve eaten in recent memory, and while it may have been just as good pickle-less, it wouldn’t have been as complete. The chef, or cook, or whoever designed the menu (to say nothing of the people that have been making and eating those sandwiches for decades) decided that the sandwich would be at its best with pickles, and who am I to begrudge their taste?

So I order my burritos now with everything in them. I happily eat the bleu cheese crumbles on my burger. I’m even down with mustard on my hot dog. None of this is revolutionary, or even all that exciting, but it’s just a step in evolving my tastes and expanding my appreciation for food. Hell, it even feels good to know that I’m not a difficult customer who makes special requests. I’m an equal opportunity eater, and am happy to try your food with whatever ingredients you think go best on it.

Except for mayonnaise. Seriously, fuck that noise.

The Abyss

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:28:19 -0800

Whew. This is one hell of a beer. Brewed by Deschutes, The Abyss is their yearly winter seasonal, and it seems to get more complex every year. 6% of the beer is aged in oak bourbon barrels, 11% is aged in plain oak barrels, and 11% is aged in oak wine barrels. It is, for lack of a better word, oakey.

The nose is fantastic. It really jumps out of the glass (this beer was enjoyed in a snifter, naturally), starting off with nice coffee and chocolate aromas, but you really can smell the woodiness from the barrel aging. The bourbon barrels are really the star of the aging process, and even though only 6% was aged this way it does impart that nice bourbon smokiness.

This beer is pitch black. It’s like looking at a jug of motor oil. Even shining an LED light through the glass doesn’t penetrate the infinity of its blackness. It has a rich brown head that fades away fairly quickly, but you don’t really notice the lack of head when you’re drinking this.

Alright, time to get to drinking. This is one of the most complex beers I’ve ever had, and it’s fantastic. It’s rich as all hell, with very sweet notes at first—specifically chocolate and molasses. There’s an oakey undertone to the whole beer, and you quickly notice some licorice. The licorice is one of the most interesting flavors of the whole beer in that it has a little bit of saltiness to balance out the sweetness of the rest of the beer. As you swallow you taste a little bit of the alcohol, which is to be expected in an 11% ABV beer, but it goes down very smoothly. All in all, this beer is sweet, smoky, and complex. It’s fantastic.

This was the beer that got me into specialty beers. It’s a damn bold beer for somebody who hasn’t tried too many strong beers, but it had me at first sip. It’s strong and eminently flavorful, and I love it. I bought two bottles, one to try and one to age for a bit. After six months or a year, it should mellow out some of the flavors and bring out some new complexities. I’m excited to drink and review that bottle, but for the time being this bottle was near perfect.

Overall grade: A

This is for you, Will. I was once like you, but then I grew a...

Mon, 05 Dec 2011 19:36:29 -0800

This is for you, Will. I was once like you, but then I grew a brain, a dick, and a heart.

JK, let’s drink some ghetto blasters.

Photo

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 18:45:34 -0800